For The Love Of Film is a weekly column from film nerd and lover of all movies Justin Proper. Sometimes you need some help to figure out how to enjoy movies, and we are here to help! No longer will you need to fear movie night because your friends have no taste in film. With this column you will be able to love even the worst gems to ever grace the silver screen.
The end of the year is fast approaching (maybe even the end of the world if you are dumb) and that means it is time to start reflecting on what happened over the last 365. Has it been a great year for film? Probably, but I am more interested in how bad of a year it was for the medium. There have been some truly awful releases this year but some of them were so gloriously bad they managed to be amazing. These are my top five “bad” movies from 2012, in no particular order.
Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance
You had to know this one was coming. After Nic-Cage-November it is no secret that I love pretty much any movie starring Nic Cage. This movie was Cage turned up to 11. He surpassed his normal Cageyness and transcended his own personality to become the most ridiculous creature to ever appear on screen. Not only that, but he was directed by the guys who made Crank and Crank: High Voltage which are not known for their subtlety. This movie was straight forward in that it gave you exactly what you came for: the Ghost Rider being awesome and crazy. Plus, we got to see Cage at his most absurd in the deleted scenes, showing you just how dedicated he is to being insane even when his face will be replaced with a CGI skull. Skip ahead to about 1:40 in the following video for the good stuff.
That’s My Boy
Adam Sandler is a touchy subject. I grew up watching his movies, so seeing him become so…just…awful…really has been hard the last few years. Movies like Grown Ups and Jack And Jill really show how far someone can sink just to collect a paycheck. When That’s My Boy came out I was very apprehensive to see it. I could not take seeing the man that used to entertain me so much in my youth degrade himself even further, but it also starred Andy Samberg so I gave it a shot. That’s My Boy did not do well with the critics, but if you want some classic style Sandler (complete with a weird voice and New England accent) you wont be let down. The movie’s most redeeming quality, however, is that Vanilla Ice is in it, and not just in a cameo role.
The Man With The Iron Fists
One of the most surprising things about my musical tastes is my overwhelming love for the Wu-Tang Clan. If you look through the CDs in my van it is all heavy metal and two Wu-Tang albums. RZA has always been my favorite member of the group, and I thoroughly enjoyed his work with movie soundtracks (and even his acting). When it was announced that he was making a kung-fu movie I was excited beyond words. This could be perfect! It was not. The movie was quite bad, but if you love the Wu-Tang Clan and kung-fu it is definitely worth a watch. Especially when RZA punches a dude so hard his head explodes.
Most of you are probably scratching your heads thinking “Branded? I’ve never even heard of that, is it a real movie?” and I assure you I did not make it up. This film was not very advertised (probably due to the subject or the content or the budget) but it is real. The plot is overly pretentious and preachy, the acting is so-so at best, and it is generally very confusing. The thing that makes this movie worth seeing is the third act. After taking an extremely strange left turn this movie starts to explode minds. Literally, things come out of peoples minds and it gets ridiculously trippy. If things can get an A for effort despite being an overall F, this movie deserves an A+.
This movie is about a shark in a grocery store in Australia. This movie is about a SHARK in a GROCERY STORE in AUSTRALIA. THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT A SHARK IN A GROCERY STORE IN AUSTRALIA. THERE IS A SHARK IN A GROCERY STORE IN AUSTRALIA!
Honorable Mention: Chernobyl Diaries
Chernobyl Diaries is awful and definitely not worth your time. Except for one scene:
Surprise, it’s a bear!!!